The distribution of tasks is a sensitive subject in households. Quite often, one partner ends up doing the lion’s share of household chores, from cooking and cleaning to childcare, while the other tends to skate. Their excuse? They work all day, so they don’t have the energy to help around the house.
Unfortunately, in some cases, the relationship becomes so toxic that arguments over chores aren’t even about chores at all. It is about one partner trying to impose control on the other. By any nefarious means necessary. Such a relationship is anything but healthy.
Redditor u/throwawaySarah7, mother of two, shared how she and her husband, a demanding ambulance driver, got into a huge fight after he was told to heat up a meal on his own. Fair warning before reading: the story is very emotional and can be traumatic if any of you Pandas have ever had a completely toxic relationship. Scroll down for the full story in the redditor’s own words.
An argument over chores can reveal a lot of unpleasant things about a relationship
Picture credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
A woman has told how her husband had a toxic reaction when she asked him to heat up his own meal. The story shocked many internet users
Picture credits: disposableSarah7
The fact that the husband refused to reheat the meal that his wife had prepared for him and insisted that she do it for him is more than just a chore. It’s a question of power. It’s a matter of control. It’s about showing who is the dominant person in the relationship. And it’s toxic, unhealthy, and the redditor and her children deserve better.
Relationship and dating expert Dan Bacon previously explained to bored panda that a lack of honest, open conversations about practical things like division of labor can lead to a lot of resentment, unnecessary arguments, and even breakups. He emphasized that no one should force their partner to do all or most of the housework, regardless of gender. Ultimately, the couple needs to establish ground rules about who does what.
“Previously, housework was seen as a female job, as the man was traditionally the breadwinner and the woman stayed at home all day. Yet in today’s society, if the man and the woman both work, it is more fair, loving and respectful for both of them to help keep the house clean,” he said.
“On the other hand, if a man is the sole breadwinner and the woman stays home all day, many people would agree that she should do most or even all of the household chores. That said, no one really “has to” do anything in a relationship,” he said, relationships should be fair and both partners should see each other as equals.
“A woman should never force a man to do housework, and neither should a man force a woman to do it. Instead, the couple should honestly agree on what they think is right and then stick with it. If it seems unfair to either of them, resentment will build, arguments will occur, and they will feel less connected and happy as a couple.
Meanwhile, certified relationship coach Alex Scot says the division of household chores is a necessity. “If one partner consistently does the majority of the work, it usually leads to that partner feeling like a nanny,” she told Bored Panda a while ago.
“For any tasks that both partners don’t want to do, take turns. It will vary from couple to couple, but the goal here is to keep communication open, fair and realistic for each other’s schedules,” she said.
The editors were horrified by what they read. Here’s what they had to say about the whole situation